Writing from a little corner of the local Costa Coffee (other coffee chains are available). Nothing unusual there, except I’ve been on a health kick for a month – half a stone destroyed, thank you very much. It is also “Fat Friday”, cheat day, naughty meal day.
Yesterday was my first bad day at the gym, everything was hard, and I admit – I gave up and went home. Where things did not improve! The freezer in my house is an issue, it needs defrosting but every week more food appears making it difficult to defrost the damn thing.
Then, I text Mr. Chatty with a phone in his hand. Who, might I add text me every day for two weeks solid!! He’s out, aarrgghhh. I forgot that someone we knew was getting married and he would of course be out celebrating the big man’s last night as an unmarried man.
I’ve known for a while that Im going to have to do the asking. “Fancy a drink?” “Would you like to come to the cinema with me?” “I want to spend the day with you!” But, I can’t, I just can’t. What if he says no? What do I do then? I’ve asked him stuff before and he’s said yes, but it’s never been me asking him…OUT!! Mainly because I don’t do that, but, neither does he it would seem.
I don’t even know what I want from him, with him…I do know I think about him a lot. Too much, in fact.
So, my dilemma is this: Do I continue with our current arrangement which is great but not enough. Or do I put myself out there, for the first time ever, doing the grown up thing (read teenage) of saying “Hey, I have a thing, I think you have a thing, we should see if our things are the same thing (dear god, I sound about 12).
I’ve almost asked several times, always finding a reason not too, ie I’m a big fat chicken. But, I need to know, I have to know. I see tears.
It’s times like this I wish I was living in one of Jane Austens books, chaperones, monthly dances, only seeing the man of your dreams once in a blue moon. I’d also have more time for reading and walking. Yeah, can I go to the 1700’s?
Wish me luck.