Way back in 2010 I met a boy of 23. It was late Summer and he was wearing shorts. I asked what his name was and laughed when I was told, claiming that, of course, that wasn’t his real name. We soon became friends and one day I get a private message from him asking if I would like to go to the cinema one day along with his number. I sent him a text saying I would like to go and so we did. Then we started spending more time together, at the pub, cinema, a few shopping trips near Christmas.
Christmas Eve of 2010 this boy visits my home, with presents for me. We spend a delightful evening cuddled up on my bed, holding hands and watching DVD’s. I was happy, it was clear we liked each other and it felt nice to be in physical contact with someone. I can’t even remember what he bought me, probably a DVD of some sort. Cut to New Years Eve of 2010, I decide to spend the night at the pub rather than a family party because I knew this boy would be there. We spend another delightful evening together, sitting close and holding hands when we could. Sometime during the evening, the boy was alone, sitting on a wicker chair when I got my first indication that he actually liked me the way I wanted him to. He reached up and took my hand and pulled me down into his lap, looked up and pulled me towards him. I pulled away, not wanting to kiss him while inebriated and in such a public place. I don’t know how he felt about this because I’ve never asked and he’s never told.
My birthday is in January. I celebrated with a group of my friends, of which the boy was included. At one point in the night I remember taking hold of his hand and going to walk to a different part of the club with him, he took offence and decided to go home not long after this. I was confused and a little upset, but continued to enjoy my celebrations.
The boy of 23 and I fell out sometime in 2011, he claimed not to have the same feelings I felt towards him and I couldn’t understand why he would behave as though he did. In the end I felt it was best to not be friends with him as I couldn’t go through the confusion of feelings I had every time I saw him.
In 2012, I became friends with the boy, now 25, again. I felt enough time had passed and my feelings had abated enough to be able to at least say hello. We went through the same motions again, texting often, going to the cinema, I even got invited to his brand new flat for dinner and a movie night. Soon the old feelings returned, and we were spending a lot of time with each other, but then something happened to me and I retreated from everyone, family, friends and work colleagues. The boy took offence and thought history was repeating itself, assuming that I was ignoring him again. So, rather than force the friendship, I decided to let him decide when he wanted to speak to me. Sadly, this did not happen, as we are both as stubborn as each other.
2014. In the pub. A mutual friend makes a request. “Can you please start talking to him (the boy) again, because it’s really awkward when I’m talking to one of you and not the other?” I assured said mutual friend that I didn’t think it mattered to me or the boy as there were always plenty of other people around for either one of us to speak to. Mutual friend was having none of it though and insisted. I agreed to say hello and if the boy said hello back I would make the effort to be civil. Surprisingly, the boy said hello back. For the remainder of the year there were a few cinema trips (me, the boy and mutual friend) and a random but utterly enjoyable night where mutual friend abandoned me and the boy so we ended up spending the majority of the night in each others company.
At the end of last year I wasn’t looking for anything other than a pretty awesome friend who was fun to be around, caring and an actual real life gentleman.
That was then….